20 April 2014
03/27/14
An excerpt
"What if I were to give it up? What if I were to just give it all up?
"What if I were to give it up? What if I were to just give it all up?
What would I lose? Who would even really care?
Sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it, and
when you turn your head the internet explorer symbol looks like its frowning.
Wandering around seems so much more appealing.
Was it really just a year? Has it been only a year?
That kiss! How perfectly serene was that
moment. Nothing could defeat you. Nothing could bring you down. You had been right all along. He really DID think of you. You DID make the right decision. Life came full circle and you were complete.
Now how to break the news? That was what kept you up all night. Not guilt?
Maybe, but wasn’t it guilt all along that held you back? Weren’t you always guilty?
Now you’re alone again. Just like the start. What changed?
Heartbreak? Failures? WAS IT EVEN WORTH it??? You always said it
would be. Do you still believe
that? Did you believe it then, or was it
just a ploy because you wanted something you weren’t ready for?
That’s how it always is, right? We persuade and persuade that it’s the right
decision, that there is some perfect justification for the desires. Well if I feel this way it must be
right!?! Oh that exclamatory
interrogative wonder.
Candles, candles, like candles. You enjoy the moments, peaceful, fragrant,
luminous, thrilling…, but gone. Not like
they were never there. Oh no, it is
quite obvious what happened! For goodness sake the empty jar is sitting right
there, starring at you, taunting you, reminding you of what you had but burned
up so quickly just because you could.
Why do we never take enough time to truly
appreciate (yes appreciate not enjoy) all of those moments.
When the night is over and your heart has
broken what more can you do? Move on?
Yeah right. If you could move on you
would have 4 years ago, or better yet would have known to not even get into the
situation.
'Dreams are like a drug. When you awake the dream is over, and the
pain is worse than knives.'
How true. HOW TRUE. I knew it then…in the beginning…even
before…when things were just starting…things you wanted so bad…so bad…your
heart was broken even before it was whole…because you knew what would happen? You KNEW what would happen??? And still you let
it happen??? And still…you let it
happen. Moreover, you MADE it
happen.
What silly silly fools we are. Like a kite turning and tossing in the wind,
but in the wind nonetheless. Not really
in control, but acting as if we have anything to do with it. Holding ourselves up there. High and mighty. Like nothing can bring us down. Oh if only we remembered how truly thin and
fragile we really are."
If only we would remember how truly thin and
fragile we really are…
Drafted but never posted. I think this was from around summer 2012
--
Currently Crocheting:
http://allicrafts.blogspot.com/2011/02/free-pattern-petals-newborn-hat.html
Currently Reading:
Eat, Pray, Love
Plato: Five Dialogues
Anna Karenina
Other Projects:
Making bracelets (beaded and from string)
Making earrings
--Selling both to make money for the Casa Materna
Currently working out to:
Xbox 360 Kinect Dance Central 2
Girls Group Project:
Origami
English classes
Reading
Bracelet making
New recipes tried:
Chili - the 2 Tbsp. Nica chili powder gave it quite a kick. Overall, it was delicious especially with crema, cuajada, and soda crackers or rice. Next time I plan to only use 1 Tbsp. of chili powder to keep my stomach happy.
French Toast (not new but perfected) - It's great with the homemade Nica loaves of bread, fresh ground cinnamon, and a little powdered sugar sprinkled on top.
--
Currently Crocheting:
http://allicrafts.blogspot.com/2011/02/free-pattern-petals-newborn-hat.html
Currently Reading:
Eat, Pray, Love
Plato: Five Dialogues
Anna Karenina
Other Projects:
Making bracelets (beaded and from string)
Making earrings
--Selling both to make money for the Casa Materna
Currently working out to:
Xbox 360 Kinect Dance Central 2
Girls Group Project:
Origami
English classes
Reading
Bracelet making
New recipes tried:
Chili - the 2 Tbsp. Nica chili powder gave it quite a kick. Overall, it was delicious especially with crema, cuajada, and soda crackers or rice. Next time I plan to only use 1 Tbsp. of chili powder to keep my stomach happy.
French Toast (not new but perfected) - It's great with the homemade Nica loaves of bread, fresh ground cinnamon, and a little powdered sugar sprinkled on top.
November 3, 2013
So…as per usual “Shona” I just spent
a significant portion of the evening on good ‘ol “Face.” Of course it involved “stalking,” but this
time I was “stalking” myself! Some interesting
statusi (plural for status in my dictionary) got me thinkin’ ‘bout some statusi
that I had written a while back, i.e. since the first day that facebook
revealed “status update.” Back then it
actually meant that you would update your current status. For a while I “boycott [ed] the whole status
update thing” because, we to be frank, I thought it was quite stupid. Throughout the boycott facebook was
extraordinarily persistent in insisting that I “update my status.” Under this immense pressure I began making my
“status” a song lyric (mostly written by the amazingly talented Matt
Wertz). Finally, it just became too much
to handle seeing everyone else’s actual statusi, so I began to write my own.
The following is a compilation of
some of my favorite statusi over the years, from the very first up until August
’13. I decided to only go pre-grad
school because those from the last three months are just too recent to fully
appreciate. Hence, I have also included
a brief “first thought that came to my mind” reaction to each status.
Enjoy!
Just found a few old messages in my
"other" message box. A couple were a four months old...oops. I guess
I should check my facebook on a computer a little more often.
-Little did I know that wouldn’t be the first time. Oh, “other” box! How you get me. Too bad a few of those were actually
important. Good one again Facebook. You get me everytime.
1st day back to work was long, full of new
adjustments, and ...oddly a bit fun. Rakin' in the dough might not be so hard
this year.
Ps. The new car runs like a dream.
Ps. The new car runs like a dream.
-Little did I know that would be the busiest, most stressful,
least sleep-filled summer of my life. I
still had a blast, but I earned every penny of those checks and should have
earned more.
Life has been doing a good job trying to kick
me in the butt this week. Thanks to mom and dad for keeping me mostly sane.
-Little did I know that was only a taste of what was to
come. Life sure did try to get me those
first two weeks of May, but it was only the beginning.
This girl is going to Emory University!
-Yeah she did! Too bad it’s hard to remember that excitement
while SAS-ing it up. Little did I know
how much that decision would change everything.
Daniel Ortega was at Hotel Sabalos yesterday!
-Little did he know….Seriously, Daniel! You’re lucky Sabalos was great at keeping
secrets from me or you and I would have had a very uncomfortable conversation
(I can say these things now that I’m no longer a PCV).
I'm really starting to think I might be a
little lactose intolerant. Two "batidos" (smoothie/shake) with
yogurt/ ice cream, crema (sour cream) with my gallo pinto, and almost and
entire stuffed crust pepperoni pizza from "Berlin" just isn't
agreeing with my body as it would have a couple years ago.
-Little did I know that would how
much I would miss those days. Oh to be
young in San Carlos and on the Peace Corps dime again. Every bite and sip was well worth the pain.
just a little announcement that i'll be
landing at the Muskegon County Airport at 6:51pm 03/21/13.
-Little did I know what whirlwind of emotions and decisions
awaited me at the other end of that flight.
Even now, I am still amazed at my excitement. Yes I am absolutely thrilled to be back, but
I also remember how much effort I put into leaving and why I wanted to go.
oh Ryke's Bakery, Catering and Cafe and Taco Bell...why must you post such delicous looking food when I am far
too many miles away to eat it?
-Still taunting me daily
just e-submitted her SOPHAS apps after a crazy
last minute upset. now its time to wait and see how it all pans out. keep those
fingers crossed!
-I really didn't think any of it would pan out. Couldn't have been more wrong.
the nica christmas music has begun! i hear it
now drifting across the river into my house.
-Oh how I miss it!!!
about 50 minutes ago felt a 7.6 earthquake
from Costa Rica. It lasted for about a minute. At first I thought it was
someone on my balcony (yes my whole house moves when someone is on the balcony)
until I realized that no one was there. After a few seconds I left my house,
but unfortunately I had just finished showering and was still in towel. I
experienced no damage; just a few fallen things from a shelf.
-I've told this story SOOO many times :)
ahhhh....the wonderfully relieving sound of
water falling into a tank! I can once again shower, wash dishes, and flush my
toilet.
-I will NEVER forget that feeling of relief and never take running water for granted.
how can i be expected to work when the
olympics are on? i explained what the olympics are to 9 pregnant nicaraguans
yesterday...i think that counts as work, right?
-If only this could happen during the winter olympics coming up
it's doesn't just rain everyday downhere
anymore...it thunderstorms on and off all day long!
-Still feels weird to NOT have rain everyday.
Does walking 20 minutes to Dunkin' Donuts
justify getting two donuts? I sure hope so because I did, and they were
thoroughly enjoyed while watching The Avenger's XD 3D!
-Oh my goodness that was so amazing!!!! Best ME date ever!
officially doesn't have dengue!
-Yeah, too bad I had gallstones instead
March 20, 2012 via TurboTax
·
Just got a much bigger
tax return than last year by making a lot less money!
-Those days are far behind me.
...so hot, no power, unshaded house.....i
might just go jump in the river
-And I did
just enjoyed a comfy ride to managua!
-What I didn't tell you is that "comfy ride" caused me to get carsick and pass out on dramamine
had a very Nica start to a very Nica year.
Feliz Año Nuevo!
-So over this commenting thing
has officially started her "movies i MUST
see when i get home in 16 months" list! seriously i've been waiting YEARS
and they all decide to come out when i'm 8 hours by bus from the nearest movie
theatre! (i.e. pirates, the hobbit, the dark night rises, and so many others).
it kills me i can't go to the premiers or see those in 3D in 3D.
....yes I just typed "how to kill big
mice" into google search. I have two cats, but they seem more interested
in eating insects and small salamanders and sleeping on my lap while I watch
the mice/rats run across my rafters and electrical cords.
is loving the house! So much space, so much
privacy (well as much as is possible in Nicaragua), so much variety of food!
Just spent all afternoon cleaning, pulling plants out of my bathroom, and
figuring out a way to store my clothes.
is so thankful for her blessed life that she
gets to try to make the most of everyday....and internet. even though it's
expensive, slow, and unreliable at least i have it when i really need it. And
why is everyone torturing me with pictures of their delicious thanksgiving
food?
...it's a parade ON THE WATER
¨is coming home. I´m coming home. Tell the
world I´m coming home...¨
is in san carllos for the fishing tournament.
dont worry great sabalos, im not actually doing the fishing.
is going to eat in a food court and then see
harry potter
·
no blog post today.
for some reason all of gmail and my blog was in some sort of chinese and i
didnt feel like finding a way to fix it. i will hopefully get back next weekend
to update.
is reminiscing over the wonder and accompanied
rejuvenated hope that is Spring in Michigan. I love it right where I am, but I
keep thinking of my former world thát´s going on without me.
has officially been a Peace Corps Volunteer
for a week...currently in San Carlos waiting for the Panga for an hour- tired,
sore butt, and have to pee, but it'll have to wait another three hours because
i refuse to pay 5 cords to use the bathroom (although i did pay 10 to have my
suitcase watched).
is going to give up living in EEUU for lent
because I definitely can not givie up Nacatamales....tambien, ahorita yo estoy
escribendo mi curriculo en español en el ciber mientras James Blunt esta
cantando en el radio (the nicas love pretty much any music in english)...headed
to rio san juan this weekend!!!
gets to live in Boca de Sabalos, Rio San Juan
for the next two years!!!!!!
gave her second charla in the centro de salud
this morning, but the hot walk to search for and interview pregnant women this
afternoon was well...hot and semi effective. now im eating stale but still
delicious rosquillas and updating my blog...finally. oh and i successfully
activated my nica debit card entirely in spanish.
January 2, 2011 via mobile
is being forced to drink theraflu at gunpoint
-HAHAHA that's what brothers are for
-HAHAHA that's what brothers are for
just made a list of all the lists she needs to
make....how lame am I?...29 days...1 day til my b-day!
will pay someone $10 to finish writing her
aspiration statement.
just wrote her first letter of resignation.
just got a double dose of perspective. Now on
to updating my resume for the peace corps....seriously, do they want my left
kidney too?
...if the event is lost and 24's child it sure
got all the recessive traits
is definately wearing the exact same shirt as
the girl on hawaii five-o....so weird.
· absolutely LOVES thunderstorms ... even if it means getting soaked at work!
is officially a peace corps nominee....now on
to the millions of health forms, exams, and probably a few shots.
"you can't change this"
wants to resolve to never procrastinate
again...maybe tomorrow.
thinks she's going to move to petosky and work
at meijer....
after 5 years on facebook i've stopped getting
upset when they change something...get over it people it's not like you pay to
use it
playing her violin with nascar in the
background
[jumps up and down high-fiveing (sp?) everyone
she sees] done, done, done, done, DONE, done, done...and couldn't be more
DONE!!!
severely dislikes Buruli ulcer disease! Why
does it have to be so complicated yet so under-researched?
is umm... GRE what what?
is waiting for Matt Wertz ! ! !
thinking everybody makes mistakes everybody
has those days.
not really sure
excited for dance guild
And a couple of early facebook posts from some beloved friends!
Hey I finally did something on my facebook
page. Aren't you proud of me??? I still don't know how people find the time to
do this crap?? Hope you had an awesome monday! Miss you!
Shona, nice profile pic, i was trying to
interpret its meaning, but just couldn't reach it haha, can't wait to see
you!!!
05 September 2012
New attempt at blogging
New Project Alert!!!!
Because I love reading so much and want everyone to feel the
same I started a girls group. It
consists of (now) six 6th graders.
Using the books donated by Calvary Christian Schools, we start out with
reading. The girls pick a new book or
one they were reading last time. They
have loved them. After some reading time
we do one of several things: crotchet, learn English, or have a health
charla. I started out meeting on Tuesdays
with them but this week we’ve already met twice and plan to meet again
tomorrow. I figure that if they want to
meet so often, I have the time to invest.
Today we played the game “Ow, doctor, it hurts” to learn the
parts of the body. They loved going up
to their friend and trying to say “Doctor, my ______ hurts.” The “doctors” had the job of healing the
patient’s problem area. It was hilarious
to watch them tickle, “give shots” with a crotchet hook, and use a bouncy ball
to represent a pill. They may not have
learned a lot, but they certainly had fun just being girls. Tomorrow we are going to review by drawing
stick figures and labeling the parts.
Then we’ll continue with the crotchet classes. I’ve been letting them choose what they want
to do in each session. This gives them a
sense of ownership over the time.
Natural Phenomenon Alert!!!!
This morning I felt my second earthquake. At about 8:45 I was folding clothes after a
late shower, but hadn’t yet gotten dressed.
My house started moving, and I thought someone had jumped up on my deck
as it has the same house moving effect.
However, when the house continued shaking and I saw that no one was on
the deck I realized what was going on. I
quickly ducked under my hammock (like that would really protect me), but then I
remembered that if my deck falls the whole house will go with it. I decided that despite the embarrassment of
only being in a towel I needed to go outside.
As I left my house, my neighbors were doing the same. Thankfully, they didn’t seem to notice the
towel. I could literally see the ground
shake. It lasted for a few more seconds
then stopped. When I went back inside
only a few things had fallen off a shelf, but nothing damaged.
After quickly getting dressed and finishing the folding I
was online and looking at a report of a 7.9 quake in Costa Rica. There wasn’t much other information, but I
was told that it was already all over the news.
It could be felt as far north as Managua! I couldn’t spend too much time looking
because my girl’s group had come over, but after I contacted my Emergency
Action Plan coordinator, Natalie in San Carlos, texts from the PC office also
started pouring in to make sure we were all safe and alerted. I was kind of hoping for a consolidation to
San Carlos, but that would actually take me closer to the coast. I think I just love the thrill.
I continued the group just thankful that we were all safe
and could continue learning despite the event.
The girls asked me if I had been scared and I said, “of course.” My neighbor girls said, “Me too!” Through things like this, I am constantly
reminded that deep inside us, despite age, race, and socioeconomic background,
we are all the same.
Upcoming post: Crotchet
projects!
Currently Reading:
Anna Karenina
Irresistible Revolution
Plato: Five Dialogues
Books read over “the summer”:
The Jungle
The Four Agreements
A Wrinkle in Time
The Tombs of Atuan
01 June 2012
Pics from Panama
I have been experiencing uploading difficulties, but I'll keep adding more pics as I am able.
 |
| Balboas! |
 |
| Panama City Skyline with storm brewing |
 |
| Papa John's delivery vehicles |
 |
| Panama Canal |
 |
| Panama Canal Locks |
 |
| The tug boat and sailboat followed the huge ship through the locks |
 |
| Central Park/Market in Casco Viejo |
 |
| Sporting my new Panama hat |
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| Outside the President's Palace |
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